Dying to Self and Growing to Love Others

A few days ago I was asked by a close friend of mine in somewhat of a response to my previous post to share with him the one thing, above all else, that I have learned in my short time in church ministry. I sat in my office holding the phone sipping on a cup of Starbucks coffee just thinking for a moment. Finally, after a few seconds, he broke the silence: “Kirk, you there?” From my side, fifteen seconds to reflect on years worth of ministry in order to answer the question seemed relevant; from the other end of the line, fifteen seconds seemed quite long I guess.

I went on to tell my friend that the one thing I have seen and learned again and again-and really its more of an observation of life than it is of ministry-is this pattern of human beings that begins with this huge burst of excitement towards something that often settles into familiarity and so often ends in disappointment. Take for instance falling in love, or bringing home a newborn baby from the hospital, or a child’s first day of school, or the thrill of seeing your child learn how to read-these hallmark events (or Kodak moments if you will) in our lives that are so vivid and flush with promise at the time that seem all too often to lose their luster and fall away like leaves in the fall. I have sat with families as they flipped through the family photo albums noticing the moonstruck young couple now flabby, bored, and middle-aged, or that tiny baby now a troublesome teenager or rebellious college student, and they wonder how they could have ever succumbed to such a surge of emotions.

Within the church I have seen the same couples who years before came giddy with excitement to pre-marital counseling looking forward to marrying the “love of their lives” now coming back to the church embittered with their spouses asking for the churches help in negotiating a divorce. I have myself worked with addicts whom I bailed out and supported through treatment who just as quickly slide back down the same path of self-destruction. I have in more cases than I would like to admit worked with students whose lives have seemed so transformed by faith yet weeks and months later announcing, “This Christian thing was just a phase. I don’t really think religion is for me.” Ironically, this pattern that once disgusted me, now seems normal-often expected. We struggle in dying to self.

How do we keep excitement from fading into familiarity and finally into disappointment? Perhaps the better way to ask such a question is how do we garner Spiritual Growth in such a way that it heals and transforms individuals and societies around us? Living in a society that has turned Christianity into more of a corporation than a living movement, I feel like daily I need a reminder that the gospel is, at its roots, life-transforming and good news.

I am convinced we have created a monster in the American church today. In an attempt to protect Christianity from the demise of secularism, we have set forth rules and regulations in the church for the sake of pursuing holiness. We tip-toe the lines of legalism often falling its way for the sake of superiority and “spiritual maturity.” Loving your neighbor as yourself, caring for the poor, bringing about justice in your community, forgiving enemies-none of these reduce to a formula or set of rules. Any list of rules narrows the breadth of what God wants done to sinners toward a pointless competition of pseudo-saints. Faith becomes petty and irrelevant, not something that urgently matters. As Christians, we are wired to make a difference; yet too often we fall into this disappointing trap of legalistic paralysis. Sooner or later, familiarity, numbness, and disappointment will prevail.

Perhaps part of the problem is also in the message of Christianity-we tend to make Christianity as a one-time answer to life’s struggles instead of the life-changing, often times difficult, journey that it really is. We tend to forget that the Gospels do not speak of this false rendition of the gospel as prosperity because early Christians were far from ever prospering. Jesus spoke of those who would follow Him as encountering floggings, court trials, persecution, and betrayal. We tend to forget that 10 of the 12 disciples died a martyr’s death. God wants the best for His people; we have many promises that one day God will restore everything to its original state. But the Bible also portrays earth as an evil-plagued territory, and Christians get no exemption from these afflictions. Christians are just as likely as non-Christians to be poor, to be oppressed, to be struck with disease, and definitely to die. We want others to experience Christ, but we are afraid that the message of true Christianity will demolish anyone’s desire to be apart. As a result, we stick with a shallow gospel that leads to emotional bliss; yet just as quickly the emotions leave us, stagnancy sets in, and disappointment overtakes us.

My wife is a fruit connoisseur. Not too long ago I picked up an apple and actually attempted to think of the fruit from the fruits perspective. I thought of the words of Jesus that says in Galatians 5: “the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” These are qualities of God who wants to grow them inside of you. From the fruits perspective the ultimate goal is reproduction. That Red Delicious apple I held in my hand was bright and colorful in an attempt to attract an animal or me to pick it and deposit its seeds on the ground so that many more apples can grow. We too often think of fruit from our perspective, as though it were made for our enjoyment. From the apples point of view, our enjoyment is mainly a way to produce more apples. Could it be the goal of the fruit of the Spirit is indeed to produce more fruit in the lives of others than it is to bring emotional bliss? To bring glory to God through planting and spreading their very seeds in the hearts and minds of others than even to bring us physical comfort? As Christians, it is our responsibility to orient ourselves with the rest of the world. As I said above, we all have a desire to love, to communicate, and even to perpetuate ourselves in the lives of others. We are wired to share life in the knowledge of the sacrifices required.

Jesus did not come and die so that we cold live happy and self-indulgent lives to show the rest of the world our self-contentment. Instead, he came as an example for us to follow in His steps. “I tell you the truth,” said Jesus, “unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”